Half Marathon
When I was 8 years old, I joined the track team at my school. I remember gearing up for a meet, pumped up and ready to slay all the little girls. I had all the confidence in the world, I felt like the fastest person there ever was. During the countdown I felt my pulse rising, ready to dash across the track and take home the gold. 3, 2, 1- We were off! I was sprinting with all my might- no one was in my line of sight, not even in my peripheral. I was winning, I was WINNING! When all of a sudden I felt this stabbing pain in my side, enough to slow me down until it stopped me completely. A freaking cramp.I walked to the finish line, defeated and embarrassed. I collected my 8th place ribbon and went home. I liked dancing better anyway!!
When covid hit and all of our lives were put on pause- I knew I needed to find something to keep me occupied. I went from dance classes every day, rehearsing for musicals, partying with my friends…to having absolutely nothing to do. I wanted to challenge myself, keep myself active- I immediately wanted to start running. Since I was a little kid, I always admired the sport, the physical/mental strength, the stamina and the overall commitment needed. I’m a big believer that you can do anything you set your mind to, so I put one foot in front of the other and started running. In the beginning, I hated it- I struggled through every run and it made me rethink whether I was even capable of enjoying it. I slowly realized it was more of a mental challenge than it was a physical one. Everyday I ran a little bit further, my form improved a little more and my mood changed drastically. That summer I ran a total of 62.3 miles.
Once life slowly started getting back to normal, I had kind of forgotten all about this newfound passion. Once I didn’t have all that time, it wasn’t something I prioritized. Faaaaast forward to this year, my good pal Sofie (shoutout Sofie) asked if I wanted to do the NYC Half Marathon with her.
I signed up for the NYC Half Marathon as a part of team Red Cross. I was so excited to have finally pulled the trigger and to have something to look forward to. Not only was I going to fulfill one of my own goals, I was going to support a cause that directly aligns with my morals and values. So I got to training!
To be frank, I don’t think anyone starts running because they think it’ll be a good time. A good time is going to happy hour with your gal pals. Running 13.1 miles?? For fun?? Why would anyone want to do that. Let me do my best to answer that-
When I first started running I was constantly in my head, always doubting myself, complaining of pain, checking my progress/pace. I was looking for excellence straight out of the jump, and that’s not what it’s about. The joy of running is when a song comes on and matches your pace perfectly, when you don’t realize how far you’ve gone until you check your strava app, when you are able to battle your thoughts, tell yourself you can do it and persevere! And usually these moments of joy are sandwhiched between “shit my calves hurt” or “shit I have a long run tomorrow" but when I get home and hop in the shower- I never regret getting out there, and I always look forward to the next one.
Training was one of my favorite parts of the day. It was me, my hokas, the Hudson River, my fire playlist and Coach Bennett (iykyk). I used the Nike Run Club app which offered guided runs with Coach Bennett. His motivational speeches were getting me through the challenging moments. The more I listened, the more I noticed that everything he said didn’t just apply to running. One of my favorite lines of his…
“Struggling does not mean failure. Struggling means successfully not giving up”
The moment I started applying those things to my life, the more I realized that the purpose of my training went far beyond the physical act of running.
I teamed up with the American Red Cross to fundraise and run for their organization. This was an unexpected yet incredible fulfilling aspect of my half marathon experience.I was so excited to get this opportunity and be a part of something bigger than myself. I feel like I haven’t had to participate in (let alone plan) a fundraiser since I was in middle school. I got to brainstorming and immediately thought of a benefit concert- I mean I have all of these talented friends, why not just plant the seed? Everyone was on board from the first text message, ready and willing to share their talents in whatever way they could. I hosted Sing For Red on January 29th. It was one of the most fulfilling nights of my life- surrounded by family and friends who came out to support such a wonderful cause. Planning that event, while making time to train was so motivating and is something I totally see myself doing again.
As race day was approaching- life got busier, I was training less and overthinking more. The nerves were inching closer and closer and the doubt made itself comfortable in my head. I really don’t think I was ever going to feel 100% ready.
I got all my goodies- glasses, vest, energy gu (which I absolutely hated), hat, shirt, running socks, I mean literally everything anyone would need. I made my way to Brooklyn, walking on the quiet street until I turned a corner and there they were. Over 25,000 people, ready to all race 13.1 miles. Hundreds of volunteers with smiling faces, cheering everyone on. And suddenly my nerves turned into excitement and I felt my energy boiling up inside me- I was ready.
If you have the opportunity to run a half with one of your best friends- I highly recommend. I am so grateful to have been with Sofie before and during our run. I think we both needed a few laughs, before what was a pretty daunting feat we were about to experience. I spoke to Sofie about her journey with running, she says “I started running in college, it really helps me turn my brain off and lock in/focus on my body and breathing.” Her favorite running song is “Spice Girl” by Anime and she said her best moment of the half was “probably deciding to run with Cam last minute, there’s no way I would’ve made it as far as I did alone.” Sofie and I were originally placed in different starting groups, but thankfully she was able to come with me! We joked about portapotties, slurped some energy chews and made our way to the start.
The race itself, was not easy, I won’t sugar coat it. I wish I could say I put it in sport mode but it was one of the most challenging things I have ever done- mentally and physically. One moment I felt like I was running on clouds and the next I thought my knees would buckle and I’d pass out from the pain of climbing up another uphill. There were ups and downs, until it never went up again, and I knew I was in the thick of it and had to push through. Around mile 9, after I almost up chucked my energy gu, I saw my friends standing below the bridge, screaming my name and jumping up and down. That gave me the boost to continue. “Just keep going” I told myself, one foot in front of the other. Right by Grand Central I saw my dad and sister, and there’s really nothing like seeing your loved ones while you’re on the brink of death. I asked Sofie what her worst moment was, “definitely the last 3 miles, wow. My lack of training showed and my muscles were truly unwellll. Thought I was gonna die.”
Around this point I was nearing Times Square and I knew I needed to utilize my secret weapon- “New York, New York” by Frank Sinatra. Yes indeed. I listened to that from mile 9.5 all the way to 13.1. On. Repeat. As I ran through Times Square, I don’t know what happened to me but I started crying. Guttural sobs, running through the city that never sleeps. I was so close, yet so far. It was a release of a lot of emotions for me- part of it was relief I think. I got a second wind, after that my legs didn’t hurt as much and my pace quickened. I felt this rush of energy and all I could think was “where the hell was this when I hit mile 7????” It was a culmination of all of my hard work, my belief in myself- it was a moment I never knew would actually come until it did. I was so proud of myself, for doing what I set my mind to and following through. And no freaking cramp!!! Once I got past the finish line, saw my family and the wave of nausea had passed, I felt euphoric. I spent the rest of the day celebrating with my friends, limping a little but celebrating nonetheless.
If you ever thought about running a half marathon, running at all or just doing anything that seems impossible- you can do it. I’ve learned that you are your biggest obstacle, your mind can scare you out of doing things that you are more than capable of. Pull the trigger and start making your dreams a reality, because you can.
